My Peachtree Road Race
…Was probably different than everybody else’s.
It started with a 5:00 am phone call: “Hey, where are you?”
– “In bed, dude. Where the fuck do you think I am?”
– “Well, they haven’t blocked off the roads yet, if you want to drive up, I’m parked at the shopping center at Peachtree Battle.”
– “…Shit. Okay. Give me 30 minutes.”
I call another friend while brushing my teeth at the same time. I throw on clothes and run out to my car, not even remembering the last time I was awake before the sun (unless I hadn’t bothered going to bed in the first place). I drive to Buckhead and meet up with my friend, literally pulling off Peachtree as an officer steps into the intersection and starts setting up barriers. Well, guess I can’t move my car now, even if I want to.
By 7:00 am, my friend and I have walked up to the intersection of Peachtree and Pharr Road, where there are at least 15 other people who got there before we did. They are already cracking open beers. It’s gonna be a long day.
Finally, the race began! After the lead group blew past us (recalling the Road Runner being chased by Wil E. Coyote), we stumbled off down the road. Along the way we would take detours behind bars and into empty parking lots for the drinking of beer.
Also we would purposely stop at red lights, much to the annoyance of everybody stuck behind us. (Look– if we have been walking and stopping to drink beer every 2 miles, and you are JUST NOW passing us, I don’t understand why you are concerned about your race time.)
By the time we got to Piedmont Park, everyone else had long finished the race and gone home.
Also by this time my feet hurt (after walking a 10k in flip-flops… probably a bad decision), I had a headache, I was out of cigarettes, and my pores were leaking PBR and Red Bull. I wanted to go immediately to sleep; do not pass go, do not collect $200. Surely the day had to be almost over. I looked at my phone: Noon.
The only fireworks I managed to see were on the way back to my house, courtesy of some kids standing on the curb around Boulevard and Ponce; I initially thought it was gunshots and almost swerved into a light pole.
Good times. Hope y’all had a happy 4th!
The Peachtree Pub Crawl is organized by the Atlanta Hash House Harriers.