Well, we didn’t. (And that’s a good thing.)

But one of our local pseudo-celebrities made The Beast’s list of America’s Most Loathsome People for 2005. Every year since 2002, The Buffalo Beast has meted out charges, proof and (unusually cruel, but often hilarious) punishment to 50 hand-picked citizens from the past year. And hey … good ol’ Jennifer “Hispanics In A Blue Van” Wilbanks is #23. Check it out:

23. Jennifer Wilbanks

Charges: Wasting the entire nation’s time and attention without actually being abducted and killed. The “Runaway Bride” fiasco marks a new low point in modern news, an episode in which the media devoted more attention to a single fruitcake than the rest of the damned world, discovered her to be simply an inconsiderate flake, and continued their shameless round-the-clock coverage of her unabated for many days afterward, compulsively playing 10 seconds of towel-headed perp walk footage over and over and over again, as world events were left to take care of themselves. This bug-eyed bitch and her doormat fiancée, after all, were important—right?

Exhibit A: Even if she were actually abducted and killed, it wouldn’t have merited 1/1000th the coverage she got in the first day of this speculation orgy.

Sentence: Actually abducted and killed.