UGA Dawgs! Terror in the frozen food section!


The following post may contain full frontal nudity and references to a secret government collusion. The following is scary, politically incorrect but, it could save your life. The following post DOES talk about Sports in Georgia! YEAH!

It was a dark and stormy day. Suddenly, while visiting friends in Athens, my buddy Brad says: “Dude, we’re out of beer!”

“WHAT, I trusted you bitch!” I exclaimed. “I’ll have to make a Kroger run.”

Arriving at my local Kroger, and knowing that peace on Earth was imminent with the presence of Bud Lite, I began my Krogering experience. (Do they have Bud Lite in Iraq? Just a thought.)

As I made the turn past the frozen fish sticks, I saw the DEVIL INCARNATE !!! ….. Read on – if you dare.

Beer Section Terror! AtlantaMetblogs EXCLUSIVE photo

What greeted me was this 3000 FOOT PAPER MACHE RENDITION OF “UGA” – you know, “UGA”, It’s pronounced, “UGA”, damn it. It glared at me with the ferocity of “a single partisan review board” – warning me “to stay away from the sacred MILLER LITE, you liberal communist”!

Well hell, I thought, Miller Lite has 1 less calorie than Bud Lite – it’s a party and we all want to be thin!!

Carefully, I contemplated the situation from the safety of the frozen vegetable department. Rabies? Steroids? The Evangelical Right? I don’t know but, I decided to approach this situation with caution and logic – therefore, I hailed down a small boy, wandering aimlessly near the toothpaste, to approach the beast and grab a couple of 12 packs from the rear of the “Horrible Hound”.

To my grace, the boy was blind and walked with a crooked cane – the family, Democrat. “What luck!”, I thought. He was able to secured two 12 packs of Miller Lite and jumped with glee as he brought them to my cart.

“You have fought the beast with courage and strenght, you will surely join the warrior ranks and accept the blessings of history.” He “looked” at me and said, “where’s the Colgate?”.

Now all we need for the Atlanta Braves is a 3000 foot paper mache indian scalping a cowboy. The Falcons can have a terradactyl eating the head off an ancient bison. The Atlanta Hawks: their mascot already looks like a killer. The Thrashers – well, there’s already blood each game so, kick ass!

GO DAWGS! SIC ‘EM.. WOOF, WOOF, Woof, woof, woof!

Just thought you might want a little levity as your week is coming to an end.

5 Comments so far

  1. WPE (unregistered) on October 13th, 2005 @ 4:32 pm

    worst. post. ever.

  2. Audacity (unregistered) on October 13th, 2005 @ 4:36 pm

    Puts a whole new spin on the phrase, “Let the big dawg eat.”

  3. tom (unregistered) on October 13th, 2005 @ 8:55 pm

    I guess you’re talking about the same athens kroger I go to. I turned the corner the other day and saw the big dog and just about jumped back. It’s cool and funny as heck at the same time. You’re too much.

  4. Aradia (unregistered) on October 14th, 2005 @ 10:02 am

    He needs sacrifices. He must be appeased.

  5. Alex (unregistered) on October 14th, 2005 @ 10:10 am

    I have a jar of dead yellow jackets at home we can give him. Or perhaps a preserved gator head. On second though maybe he’s just pissed because he’s perched on a bunch of shitty beer.

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