I’m Sorry…So Sorry…

wilbanks.jpgSporting a new do, that same caffeined glare and quite a nice rack, Jennifer Wilbanks turned herself in to the Gwinnett County Courthouse for all the media to see today. Loser Devoted husband John Mason was at her side trying his best, it seems, to give the paparazzi the gas face.

Wilbanks copped a plea with the DA and managed to get a fairly sweet deal. Two years of probation, 120 hours of community service, the continuance of her mental health treatment, a $32 a month probation fee and a restitution fine of $2,550. This is on top of the $13,249 she’s already promised to pay back to the city of Duluth. Quoth Shirley Lassiter, mayor of Duluth: “We’re very appreciative they were willing to give us the $13,000. We would have certainly welcomed the entire amount that covered all of our employees, but we are ready to get this behind us.”

In other words, she paid some of the fee and got off on a sympathy technicality? $13K for her cross-country foot warming and a pat on the head and everything’s OK? Personally, I still think she should be charged to the fullest extent of the law. What’s worse is that Wilbanks thinks this should further absolve her of any wrongdoing for her actions. This 11 Alive news article says “In the agreement, Wilbanks maintained she does not believe she is legally liable to the city, but instead thanked the city, its employees, and volunteers for their concern in regards to her disappearance.”


But if karma is the divine force that it is, she’ll get her comeuppance once she gets married, buys a Volvo and pops out 2.5 kids.

I mean, you have seen Desparate Housewives, right?

4 Comments so far

  1. Mike (unregistered) on June 3rd, 2005 @ 1:00 pm

    I’d been wondering why ole boy was so content in working things out with this nut of a woman, but I think I’ve finally figured it out. He just wants to get his moneys worth out of those tits he’s still paying for. Thats gotta be it.

    Hell Yeah.

  2. shelbinator (unregistered) on June 3rd, 2005 @ 3:31 pm

    You know, she is a nutty nutjob, but she never asked Duluth and GBI to come look for her. Her stupid boyfriend did, convinced that there was NO WAY his girl was nutty enough to flake and run away on him, nooooooo, she looooooves him, it must be a CRIME, yes that’s it she must have been KIDNAPPED. And then the media jumped all over it b/c disappearing women is the fad this season.

    Crazy bitch just wanted to go to Vegas instead of marry a dork. Is that so wrong? If she had never said anything that last day about being kidnapped — if instead she had called him from Albequerque and said, “Dude, I just don’t want to marry your sorry butt,” do you still think she should cough up $40K to Dull-uth? People go missing all over the country every damn day, and we don’t mobilize the freaking national guard every time. She should have been just another case file and the city could have saved some cash.

    I’d like to think I still live in a country where I’m free to snap and bug out at random so long as I don’t go shooting anyone or stealing crap. If I saw a deal for a $99 round trip to Ireland leaving in 3 hours, I’d be on it before I ever remembered to call my parents and tell them where I’m going — and then I’d be too drunk to remember to call them. If that somehow led Atlanta to amass an army of overtime employees, that’s y’all’s own dumbass fault. Just leave me be, and put a Have You Seen Me flyer up at the Vortex.

  3. Cap'n Ken (unregistered) on June 3rd, 2005 @ 3:48 pm

    Damn right, Shelbinator.

    Her only real responsibility here is that she claimed to have been kidnapped once she ran out of cash. And it wouldn’t surprise me at all if she did that because of the media coverage she realized was happening.

    That false report was probably a crime; but it’s the pie-head groom, not the bug-eyed bride, that called police and convinced them she HAD to be kidnapped or something. Now, she certainly went out of her way to make it look like she hadn’t planned to run off (keys and wallet at home, etc.), but I also support – and reserve – the right to bug the fuck out of town if and when the urge strikes me.

    And those aren’t real tits – they’re not even fake tits. Bugeye simply stopped by Publix on the way to the courthouse and five-finger-discounted a pair of honeydews.

  4. shelbinator (unregistered) on June 8th, 2005 @ 12:14 pm

    More recent news kinda makes you wonder how much money that runaway college kid should pay out of her Sam’s Club wage for having disappeared for 7 years, eh?

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