What the Zell?
Can someone please explain Zell Miller to me?
Seriously. I’m not a native Georgian, and I don’t pay as much attention as I should to regional politics. I only really noticed Miller when he made headlines during the Republican National Convention by challenging Chris Matthews to a duel. But as soon as he appeared on-screen, I noticed the capital “D” by his name and thought something was wrong with the picture. Wait, he’s a Democrat, trying to get Bush re-elected? And giving the keynote address at the Republican National Convention? What the…?
First off, how does a Democrat even get elected to the Senate in Georgia? Isn’t this a fiercely Republican state? I know that in 2000, Bush beat Gore by over 300,000 votes here. In fact, Bush only got more electoral votes in four other states, so Georgia was a key win for him. Was that just a fluke? Or was Zell a big “D” when he got elected, and he just switched mid-term? Maybe he was telling too many bad Democrat jokes, and he converted to keep the heat off. Sort of like the dentist in “Seinfeld” who converted to Judaism just so he could use Jewish humor. Zell wanted to be able to state “It’s okay, I can say that. I’m a Democrat, myself.”
What are the requirements to become a member of the Democratic party, anyway? Apparently believing in their causes and being a team player aren’t necessary for membership. Do you just have to send in enough boxtops to get your decoder ring or something? And what does it take to get kicked out? I thought it was harsh that my dad was booted out of the Catholic church many years back for getting a divorce. And he was still a loyal church-goer and all. How can Zell maintain his membership in good standing in the Democratic party when he’s doing everything in his power to keep them out of power? Maybe he just stays in their good graces the same way my pop got his Catholicism back (in a word, heavy tithing).
If membership in the Democratic party is so easy to come by, I’m surprised more Republican Senators don’t make the switch. Then, once they’re considered Democrats, they can say whatever they want about their new party. “Oh yeah, during initiation, they made us drink blood and mount goats. In the biblical sense.” But they have to be sure to find that balance between hating their party and being unable to leave. Sort of like abused wives. “They’re not so bad–they’re just under a lot of pressure at work lately. And they only get rough when they’ve been drinking. I can’t leave the Democrats, they need me! Things’re gonna change!”
Please, someone explain Zell Miller to me. Explain a man who speaks Republican, acts Republican, and does everything he can to keep the Democrats out of the White House…but still has that darned D by his name on TV. I’m not trying to bash him, I just want to understand…