Yer Scratchin’ My ASS, YO.

I had a hard time figuring out whether or not this was a personal blog or metblog entry, and I decided it was definitely appropriate for this blog, because the phenomenon I am thinking about seems so exclusive to southern states with lotteries.

You are in the Circle K (“strange things are afoot at the circle K…”)holding a kippered beef steak strip, a Coke (C2, less sugar-coke, also headquartered here…) and a monster energy drink because your ADD meds ran out, and in front of you stands Edna; “Gimme a Fire & Ice, Groovy Bucks, Cowboy Cash, oh-one of those Strike it Rich, uh…a Peach Bucks…”

And this goes on for OVER 5 MINUTES.

In the grand scheme of things 5 minutes lost to Edna and her polyester printed, smoker hacked sad little scratch-off addiction may not seem like much, but when it’s actually the dinky Chevron on Roswell road near Roswell Presbyterian Church that never has a working air-conditioner, and the you is ME, it seems like one of the more hideously long 5-minute periods of life.

Worse, because I’m a southern boy, Nashville (Tennessee) raised and now citizen of Atlanta, even further south, there is an internal constraint to NOT yell, “Lady, will you take your f**king problem elsewhere so the rest of us can get the F**K out of here?”

That would just be rude, and I’m like Hannibal Lecter that way-“Discourtesy is… unspeakably ugly to me.”

However, I’m posting this as a PSA of sorts, because old Edna, which is not her name-it’s probably Doris, or Janet, it doesn’t matter-pick a name that fits an overweight woman in synthetic clothing with a bad blonde dye job-well, she isn’t a minority when it comes to the scratch-off fetish. Just last night I’m walking to church choir rehearsal at twilight and at the point where the fence that lines my road meets the main road I see where someone has sat and scratched off 10 different game cards, all to no avail. They sat there looking like weird leaves fallen from a sad and dejected tree.

Problem here is I know that the average person freaking at the counter in the convenience store with their scratch-offs is not going to be a blog reader. So I’m preachin’ to the choir. However, if this has ever been you, maybe you should be reminded just how discourteous such action is to your fellow man who just wants beef sticks, or pop-tarts, or overly-sweet convenience-store made cappucino.

And we all know what Dr. Lecter likes to do to those he finds rude, now, DON’T WE?

7 Comments so far

  1. kbrahmer (unregistered) on August 19th, 2004 @ 10:24 pm

    I find your remarks ill formed, illogical, and without redeeming value…yet worse they are a string of gibberish, bless your little heart.

  2. Steve Huff (unregistered) on August 20th, 2004 @ 12:39 am

    Not having much luck with your Peach Bucks? Please, move away from the counter. I need to buy my soda.

  3. Steve (unregistered) on August 20th, 2004 @ 12:59 am

    What is amusing is how one can, while attempting to sound arch and intellectually superior, miss the fact that this entry is what bloggers like to call a ‘rant’, and these are by definition not always logical, purely subjective, and yes, of little value. As to redeeming? I’m not seeking to redeem anything or anyone-when you redeem someone they are freed from something that distresses or harms them. On the contrary, I was making a rather concerted attempt to anger the reader. Either with me, or with the situation I described.Gibberish? Other than resorting to some rather stupid-sounding slang, there is not a word in this entry that does not exist already in some form elsewhere. I have not been moved to tongues, there’s no glossalalia going on here. Honestly, if I took it that you were correct and it is gibberish I’ve written, how then could you possibly comment on my logic or the way I’ve formed my words? Are you a specialist in gibberish? Sprechen sie gibberish? Inquiring minds want to know!

  4. Ian (unregistered) on August 20th, 2004 @ 11:53 am

    I don’t really think you need to defend yourself on this one…This topic has been one around countless campfires…We all dislike the loto people, but what we need to do is find away to get back at them for trying our patience.

  5. Steve (unregistered) on August 20th, 2004 @ 12:08 pm

    Thanks Ian. I was having fun with the guy-but you’re right. Someone needs to stage some kind of Circle K revolt against rude scratch-off freaks.

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